Try not to fake it: I know you are tired/nervous/eager to please/unsure of how to get there. Just remember to allow yourself real pleasure and not worry about how long it takes…God punished us with the gift of being able to fake it. Show God who the real boss is by getting off and getting yours.
The conversation shouldn’t be in the bedroom. If there is something you’d enjoy or want more of—or less of—the time to talk about it is often when you’re not being sexual. Like: “I really enjoyed last night. You know what I really loved is when you did…It would be great if you did more of that. I really like being touched here. I have this fantasy that I do such and such.” In the bedroom, it gets a little tricky. When you’re actually in a sexual situation, the directives should all be positive: “That felt really good” versus “That felt bad.”
For women, we’re taught to eat less until we disappear. And trained to believe that if you don’t look like everyone else, then you’re unlovable. Men are not trained that way. Men can look like whatever and still date a supermodel. I’m proud of what I said. I think it’s good to see somebody saying: I have a belly. And I have cellulite. And I still deserve love. Do what you feel you want to do while also considering how you’ll feel the next day. Don’t not have an orgasm.
I didn’t begin enjoying sex until I started masturbating. Before that, I really wasn’t sexual. I bought my first vibrator three years ago. It’s a shame I didn’t discover it sooner. Now I give Rabbit vibrators to all my girlfriends. They scream when they unwrap it. The best gift I can give them is an orgasm.
For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.
One of the biggest mistakes women make is to compare themselves with other women, especially with those they see in the media. For instance, on Sex and the City, the women are swinging from the chandeliers every time they have sex. The expectations have to be realistic. You get yourself into trouble when you start asking yourself, “Am I having as much fun as I should be?” The question should be, “Am I having fun? Do I enjoy my sexual relationship with my partner? Are there things I would like to improve upon?” Usually there are. There’s nothing wrong with that. But constantly saying to yourself, “Maybe things can be even better,” is counterproductive. There’s a difference between chronic dissatisfaction and taking positive steps to enhance something that’s already pretty good. Certainly, women shouldn’t be ashamed to use whatever tools are available. If you’re centered and strong, that’s a major aphrodisiac.
The anthropologist Margaret Mead concluded in 1948, after observing seven different ethnic groups in the Pacific Islands, that different cultures made different forms of female sexual experience seem normal and desirable. The capacity for orgasm in women, she found, is a learned response, which a given culture can help or can fail to help its women to develop.
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